Maybe there is really no such thing called integrity within a workplace... I always think that when I treat someone nice, that person would also treat me nice as well. However, I realised that this is not the case... not for once or twice, but too many times!!
Perhaps D.J. were right in having no integrity during the times we did our projects together. There and then we were still talking about how they cannot survive in the working world without integrity... Perhaps there's really no integrity in the real working world - selfish people wins!
Probably I was just too naive to think that when I treat someone like my good friend, that person would eventually treat me as a good friend too... I was wrong again and again but still I continued to treat the person like a good friend, hoping that I see the person wrongly.
But maybe I should not blame things in this way bcoz things might just have happened inevitably like what Dear said. Or probably, I am just feeling jealous of having unfair treatment compared to others... (Don't ask me why I like to compare... it's just a natural reaction for human beings, especially when things don't go well smoothly the way that we want it to, while we see others in the better light.)
Things happened so fast within a day that I am still unable to accept it now. Why things must always happen the opposite way I want it to?? Why is it that I always turned out to be the suay one?? Why is it that others are always luckier than me yet they can still grumble about how bad the situation is for them? WHY???
Who would be in a situation that is worst of than me now? Look at all the points that I have listed out below after analysing my schedule. (Analysing my schedule has became a routined task that I need to do everyday...)
-My all 4 weekends are burnt w/in a month's schedule
-I'm not even given a single 'P' - public holiday off in lieu
-I need to work 7 times A5 (5pm to 1am) shift for all my weekends
-All my shifts are either A2 (2pm to 11pm) or A5
-There was not a single morning shift scheduled for me, neither there is anyone who is willing to exchange their shifts with me
-I am unable to block the leave slot which I wanted to block initially and most of the days are already fully taken...
-Time is so hard to past yet I am being put to work with people I do not know
-I am being scheduled to work on a night shift with 2 guys who I do not really know too
-I am unable to meet up with my Dear other than only on my 2 off days which falls on 2 weekdays
There's simply no motivation to work at all!!! No doubt that the pay is high, but money is not everything, money cannot buy time, love and friendship!
Felt like crying eversince the start of work today over some things which I could not accept and still cannot accept... Suddenly I just kept asking myself lots of questions! Ultimately, every thought just led to the same conclusion - I hate this job and I just want to quit it!!
Adding to my frustration were 3 bloody irritating customers who were so damn impatient with me, despite me trying my best to help them solve their problem calmly!! Hated one of the male customers who whined and behaved like a small kid venting his anger at me (as if a kid throwing tantrums at the parent who does not want to buy him the toy he wants) when he could not log-in into his internet banking website. Was trying to ask him questions based on the basic troubleshooting steps, but he kept saying that I am wasting his time and that he has already done everything I said (when I have not even finished telling him what to do) and claimed that he still cannot log-in and insisted that I give him an explanation why on the spot. Fuck you lor!! Can't you be a man and do the right thing??!!!
Immediately after these calls, I just felt like giving up and quitting on the spot!!! Only if I had the courage to do so... Nevertheless, I could do nothing but only to vent my frustrations to Dear when he came to find me for dinner later...
After dinner, I immediately emailed my supervisor to put up my request to block my leave but she did not reply... Looks like chances are slim... =(
Came home and went through my schedule for tomorrow as usual... seems to be working with none of the people I know except L (L is someone I do not really like)!! I feel even more so to quit, as I really cannot stand loneliness... Maybe to others, this is ridiculous but to me loneliness has always been something I really really hate to go through. Furthermore, time is already so hard to past at night... how am I going to endure the loneliness without anyone I know to talk to. Not to mention about making new friends and getting to know more people - making new friends has always been a difficult chore for me.
I feel so miserable about going to work tomorrow and on Monday and for the rest of my working days that I just feel like taking another MC again or just go MIA. I simply hate seeing myself burning off all my weekends just like that. I hate working till so late at night that I cannot even meet my Dear after work but only meet him on my 2 off days!!! I hate alot of things about work and yet no one can understand or help me, not even colleagues.
Anyway, thanks to Dear for listening to my frustration and being with me on the phone when I was crying just now... I really did not mean to always make him go through this with me but this is just how I vent my unhappiness bcoz I cannot throw my temper at my customers, neither should I just cry in front of my colleagues... the only suitable time is when I am alone together with him or when I am all alone by myself so that I could vent everything out. I just want to cry and let it all out...
Perhaps D.J. were right in having no integrity during the times we did our projects together. There and then we were still talking about how they cannot survive in the working world without integrity... Perhaps there's really no integrity in the real working world - selfish people wins!
Probably I was just too naive to think that when I treat someone like my good friend, that person would eventually treat me as a good friend too... I was wrong again and again but still I continued to treat the person like a good friend, hoping that I see the person wrongly.
But maybe I should not blame things in this way bcoz things might just have happened inevitably like what Dear said. Or probably, I am just feeling jealous of having unfair treatment compared to others... (Don't ask me why I like to compare... it's just a natural reaction for human beings, especially when things don't go well smoothly the way that we want it to, while we see others in the better light.)
Things happened so fast within a day that I am still unable to accept it now. Why things must always happen the opposite way I want it to?? Why is it that I always turned out to be the suay one?? Why is it that others are always luckier than me yet they can still grumble about how bad the situation is for them? WHY???
Who would be in a situation that is worst of than me now? Look at all the points that I have listed out below after analysing my schedule. (Analysing my schedule has became a routined task that I need to do everyday...)
-My all 4 weekends are burnt w/in a month's schedule
-I'm not even given a single 'P' - public holiday off in lieu
-I need to work 7 times A5 (5pm to 1am) shift for all my weekends
-All my shifts are either A2 (2pm to 11pm) or A5
-There was not a single morning shift scheduled for me, neither there is anyone who is willing to exchange their shifts with me
-I am unable to block the leave slot which I wanted to block initially and most of the days are already fully taken...
-Time is so hard to past yet I am being put to work with people I do not know
-I am being scheduled to work on a night shift with 2 guys who I do not really know too
-I am unable to meet up with my Dear other than only on my 2 off days which falls on 2 weekdays
There's simply no motivation to work at all!!! No doubt that the pay is high, but money is not everything, money cannot buy time, love and friendship!
Felt like crying eversince the start of work today over some things which I could not accept and still cannot accept... Suddenly I just kept asking myself lots of questions! Ultimately, every thought just led to the same conclusion - I hate this job and I just want to quit it!!
Adding to my frustration were 3 bloody irritating customers who were so damn impatient with me, despite me trying my best to help them solve their problem calmly!! Hated one of the male customers who whined and behaved like a small kid venting his anger at me (as if a kid throwing tantrums at the parent who does not want to buy him the toy he wants) when he could not log-in into his internet banking website. Was trying to ask him questions based on the basic troubleshooting steps, but he kept saying that I am wasting his time and that he has already done everything I said (when I have not even finished telling him what to do) and claimed that he still cannot log-in and insisted that I give him an explanation why on the spot. Fuck you lor!! Can't you be a man and do the right thing??!!!
Immediately after these calls, I just felt like giving up and quitting on the spot!!! Only if I had the courage to do so... Nevertheless, I could do nothing but only to vent my frustrations to Dear when he came to find me for dinner later...
After dinner, I immediately emailed my supervisor to put up my request to block my leave but she did not reply... Looks like chances are slim... =(
Came home and went through my schedule for tomorrow as usual... seems to be working with none of the people I know except L (L is someone I do not really like)!! I feel even more so to quit, as I really cannot stand loneliness... Maybe to others, this is ridiculous but to me loneliness has always been something I really really hate to go through. Furthermore, time is already so hard to past at night... how am I going to endure the loneliness without anyone I know to talk to. Not to mention about making new friends and getting to know more people - making new friends has always been a difficult chore for me.
I feel so miserable about going to work tomorrow and on Monday and for the rest of my working days that I just feel like taking another MC again or just go MIA. I simply hate seeing myself burning off all my weekends just like that. I hate working till so late at night that I cannot even meet my Dear after work but only meet him on my 2 off days!!! I hate alot of things about work and yet no one can understand or help me, not even colleagues.
Anyway, thanks to Dear for listening to my frustration and being with me on the phone when I was crying just now... I really did not mean to always make him go through this with me but this is just how I vent my unhappiness bcoz I cannot throw my temper at my customers, neither should I just cry in front of my colleagues... the only suitable time is when I am alone together with him or when I am all alone by myself so that I could vent everything out. I just want to cry and let it all out...
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