Here I am blogging when my mind is consistently being reminded of tomorrow's test and re-tests (having 3 tests altogether), yet I do not even feel like studying for any of them... Laziness?? Probably. Or maybe just due to low morale as I strongly sensed that I still won't be able to make it for all the 3 tests tomorrow even if I start studying now...
Well, life is so unfair!!! People who had copied during the last 2 tests could easily escape from the re-tests while the honest people like us have to struggle and suffer like hell in this company... a company with a big name but perhaps no integrity, humanities and staff welfare!
Most of the people there suxs!! And the person that I hate most would be that impatient and irresponsible trainer for sure! I think she trains just for the sick that training is part of her responsibility but she does not even care whether we could understand her or not. And when we cannot catch up with her, she makes it look as if it's our fault for being slow. Please lor, we are newbies... not some people who have worked in the banking industry for years!! How can she blame us? Furthermore, she is not showing her professionalism in being a trainer!!! I just cannot imagine that I have to work under her supervision in the near future.
All I feel like doing now is to run away from reality. No one else could understand how C and me feel about work now... even rattling about the daily irritating happenings to our family, friends and loved one would not help. They do not seems to understand... The stress that I am facing now is overwhelmed to the extent that I feel like tendering my resignation any time.
Since the second day of my job, true happiness disappeared from my face. Even when I am spending my least time with Dear, I ought to be happy... but I always have so much to complain about my unhappiness at work during every meet-ups till he becomes so bored of listening to them. Everytime the thoughts of unhappiness come to my mind, I would automatically have a very sian look on my face... even to the extent that others may think that I am unhappy with them... to the extent that I become easily provoked by the slightest mistake made or said by others.
I don't know why but I just cannot seem to enjoy myself and have a peace of mind even when I ought to be happy spending my time with him over the weekends... This job is really stressing me out!! Even on weekends, I begin to feel sleepy at around 10 to 11pm and I hate that!!! Coz I am not able to stay out late at night to utilize the only free time I have over the weekends.
Another issue that I have about this job is the rotational shifts work. Majority of the shifts are scheduled so late (most shifts starting from 2-6pm to midnight 1-2am, or even overnight shifts from 11pm to 8.30am next morning). I am starting to worry on how I would have the time to meet up with Dear. Now that I am still on day shifts (office hours), I already think that meeting him on 3 times per week is very little. I wonder what would happen when the rotational shift work kicks in. Sigh...
I somehow think that this job requires me to give up ALL my time to the company, yet I am not a person who can fully commit my life to a job. To me, my personal life comes first!!
Well, attending training here is like fighting a war to me, although we are always reminded that our training period now is actually our honeymoon period at work. Why do I say that training is like fighting a war?? It's bcoz we have to start copying notes for non-stop once the trainer starts rattling on and on till the end, without even making sure if we were able to catch up with her or understand what she is talking about. Then after work, we still need to spend time to go thru the things that were taught during the day. This is why I do not have enough time for myself.
Even so when I get to meet Dear after work, we cannot stay out too late... coz I need to come home to sleep by 11 or 12plus. Sometimes even when I want to go thru my notes, my eyes will automatically feel like closing by 11plus... So where the hell would I have the time to go thru my notes and digest the things that were taught during training.
That's not all... I can't even sleep late on Saturdays!!! Only after we started training then we were told that day shift would be on a 5.5 days work week with alternate Saturdays off. When I heard about it, I felt cheated coz they did not mention this earlier. Now that I have to even go back to work on alternate Saturdays, I am left with only one Sunday during those alternate working weeks to replenish my sleep.
Yesterday which is a Saturday that I do not need to work, yet I still have to wake up early bcoz the HR executive insistedly that I have to go for my pre-employment medical check-up this week by hook or by crook. Well, I am left with no choice and no other days to go for the check-up since the clinic is opened only from 8.30am to 12.30pm on Saturdays and is closed on Sundays, while I have to work on all other days. At the end of the day, I felt really really tired after 11pm (when we were still at Cineleisure with Dear's friends)... Then again, I hate myself for becoming so sleepy so early coz Dear have to send me home to sleep.
To sum up, I hate working life. There's plenty of things that I can complain about and I can go on and on if you ask me...
Well, life is so unfair!!! People who had copied during the last 2 tests could easily escape from the re-tests while the honest people like us have to struggle and suffer like hell in this company... a company with a big name but perhaps no integrity, humanities and staff welfare!
Most of the people there suxs!! And the person that I hate most would be that impatient and irresponsible trainer for sure! I think she trains just for the sick that training is part of her responsibility but she does not even care whether we could understand her or not. And when we cannot catch up with her, she makes it look as if it's our fault for being slow. Please lor, we are newbies... not some people who have worked in the banking industry for years!! How can she blame us? Furthermore, she is not showing her professionalism in being a trainer!!! I just cannot imagine that I have to work under her supervision in the near future.
All I feel like doing now is to run away from reality. No one else could understand how C and me feel about work now... even rattling about the daily irritating happenings to our family, friends and loved one would not help. They do not seems to understand... The stress that I am facing now is overwhelmed to the extent that I feel like tendering my resignation any time.
Since the second day of my job, true happiness disappeared from my face. Even when I am spending my least time with Dear, I ought to be happy... but I always have so much to complain about my unhappiness at work during every meet-ups till he becomes so bored of listening to them. Everytime the thoughts of unhappiness come to my mind, I would automatically have a very sian look on my face... even to the extent that others may think that I am unhappy with them... to the extent that I become easily provoked by the slightest mistake made or said by others.
I don't know why but I just cannot seem to enjoy myself and have a peace of mind even when I ought to be happy spending my time with him over the weekends... This job is really stressing me out!! Even on weekends, I begin to feel sleepy at around 10 to 11pm and I hate that!!! Coz I am not able to stay out late at night to utilize the only free time I have over the weekends.
Another issue that I have about this job is the rotational shifts work. Majority of the shifts are scheduled so late (most shifts starting from 2-6pm to midnight 1-2am, or even overnight shifts from 11pm to 8.30am next morning). I am starting to worry on how I would have the time to meet up with Dear. Now that I am still on day shifts (office hours), I already think that meeting him on 3 times per week is very little. I wonder what would happen when the rotational shift work kicks in. Sigh...
I somehow think that this job requires me to give up ALL my time to the company, yet I am not a person who can fully commit my life to a job. To me, my personal life comes first!!
Well, attending training here is like fighting a war to me, although we are always reminded that our training period now is actually our honeymoon period at work. Why do I say that training is like fighting a war?? It's bcoz we have to start copying notes for non-stop once the trainer starts rattling on and on till the end, without even making sure if we were able to catch up with her or understand what she is talking about. Then after work, we still need to spend time to go thru the things that were taught during the day. This is why I do not have enough time for myself.
Even so when I get to meet Dear after work, we cannot stay out too late... coz I need to come home to sleep by 11 or 12plus. Sometimes even when I want to go thru my notes, my eyes will automatically feel like closing by 11plus... So where the hell would I have the time to go thru my notes and digest the things that were taught during training.
That's not all... I can't even sleep late on Saturdays!!! Only after we started training then we were told that day shift would be on a 5.5 days work week with alternate Saturdays off. When I heard about it, I felt cheated coz they did not mention this earlier. Now that I have to even go back to work on alternate Saturdays, I am left with only one Sunday during those alternate working weeks to replenish my sleep.
Yesterday which is a Saturday that I do not need to work, yet I still have to wake up early bcoz the HR executive insistedly that I have to go for my pre-employment medical check-up this week by hook or by crook. Well, I am left with no choice and no other days to go for the check-up since the clinic is opened only from 8.30am to 12.30pm on Saturdays and is closed on Sundays, while I have to work on all other days. At the end of the day, I felt really really tired after 11pm (when we were still at Cineleisure with Dear's friends)... Then again, I hate myself for becoming so sleepy so early coz Dear have to send me home to sleep.
To sum up, I hate working life. There's plenty of things that I can complain about and I can go on and on if you ask me...
My training group photo above!! (The trainer in this pic is not that impatient and irresponsible trainer which I mentioned earlier.)
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