Relieved But Sad...

Today is the worst working day in my life... Experiencing for my very first time how retrenchment is carried out in a company. There were a mix of different emotions all within that 30 minutes to 1 hour - from the anxiousness to the fear to the sadness and then to reliefness.

Everyone did not have the mood to work today... but we still had to carry on with our daily duties while waiting for that moment to come. In the morning, we heard that the HR staff have carried out the retrenchment at level 8 and will be coming down to our level in the late afternoon... Time passed so slowly and we waited until about 4pm...

We saw a lady wearing corporate business wear walked pass our unit... She was holding a piece of paper and she walked towards my VP's seat. She then informed my VP to go into one of our conference room. Thereafter, all the HODs also made their way to that same room. At that moment, we knew that the time has come... We all stopped whatever that we were doing immediately and all our attention turned to that room. Everyone's eyes were staring and waiting for our VP to walk out from that room.

Everyone started to gather in cliques to discuss about what was going to happen. Most of us were scared yet anxious to know who the affected people are. Even I who was initially prepared for it suddenly felt the tension... My eyes were tearing slightly and I can feel myself trembling... In fact, most of my female colleagues' eyes were also slightly red and they all felt the same way as me... We kept telling one another not to start the crying... bcoz seeing one person cry will affect the feeling of another person to cry as well. The tension across the whole office was so strong. Everyone's face looked so tensed up and worried while waiting for my VP to come out from that room... Although at that moment, there were already news going around saying that there are 3 people to be cut from our department but I chose not to believe it.

Few minutes later, my VP walked out with that super serious look that says something is not good... This made us all of us even more anxious and scared. She then informed all the unit heads (who are the AVPs) into the room this time. We then waited again while the AVPs went in.

Another few minutes later, they all came out and informed us to proceed into the conference room. My department which consists of 3 units were all gathered into that conference room where my VP made the first announcement. She was trying to remain calm but she was also tearing a little while she spoke... Unfortunately, my big big boss (i cannot remember his rank, but he is the one in charge of our department, higher ranking than my VP) was one of them...

I felt sad although I did not get to know him but he is known for being a very nice boss. Furthermore, he was one of the interviewers who sat in during my job interview last time.

After the announcement made, everyone went back to our unit to wait while our VP went to level 8 to check on the names of those who are going to be cut. We all waited with fear... About 15 minutes later, our VP walked in from the other end of the office... As she walked, all eyes followed wherever she went. The scariest part was looking at her walking towards our direction! When she came over to us, she asked where is my colleague who has left earlier for her half day leave. Knowing that she went on half-day, she then walked back to her desk to make a phone call. Everyone's eyes were still on her... She then walked to another colleague's desk... And then we saw that colleague walking out to go to level 8... We roughly guessed that she was one of them.

Not long after, our VP gathered everyone from our unit once again... This time she made another announcement on the other 2 affected people - both of them have worked for 15 years with the company... After that she then said that the moment that everyone is waiting for is over and that we should all feel relieve now. She then encouraged us to put in our best effort in getting back to work.

Thank God that it is finally over (at least for now)!!! (but still not sure about the next 6 months =P)

Although a part of me felt relieved, I also feel sad for my colleagues who has to go... One of them is a very nice colleague, someone who always joke with me... though we are not very close but she has always been very bubbly, humourous and helpful. I am definitely going to miss her... Saying goodbye was the most difficult...

As for my big big boss, he sent out an email to bid goodbye to everyone... Once again, I felt like crying after reading his email. Like I said, although I do not know him, but I feel sad... Probably bcoz he was one of them who made the decision to hire me last time. I do not know how to describe this kind of sadness... Anyway, I wish all those affected all the best!

Now that the retrenchment exercise is over for my department, there are still many uncertainties ahead... I wonder how will our new big boss be like, not sure good or not... Moreover, there are already rumours going around to say that the next round of retrenchment might be in June next year. *Sigh*

Waiting For The Moment Of Truth...

There are rumours going around in my department that tomorrow will be the moment of truth... Although the news announced that we will only get to find out by the end of the month, I really didn't expect it to be so soon...

Eversince Monday, everyone's mood became super low and demoralize... The usual noisy department has became quieter suddenly... Although we all know that we may or may not be affected, but we tried not to talk about it during our working hours except during lunch time.

I believe everyone feels scared to receive the dreading letter although some may not say it... Those who are more affected are those with family commitments or having plans for marriage...

As for me, it feels like those days as if I was waiting for my exam results... I am like waiting to find out the truth whether I am one of them or not, which is just like waiting to know if I passed or failed my exam. But to make myself more prepared for it, I kept telling myself that my chance to get the letter is 90%. In fact, I am a little happy about it since I have always been hoping to change to another job but then again, during this recession period, I am just as worried as the rest about my own future bcoz there are many uncertainties on the ability to get another job within the next few weeks/months.

Despite all the inner self-talk and worries, I guess there's nothing much that I can do now, but to crack jokes out of it with my colleagues to make ourselves feel less miserable while working... We can now only depend on fate and luck...

My Brother's Wedding on 7 Nov 2008

Last Friday was my brother's BIG day! Don't know why I kept feeling like it was Chinese New Year instead! Hahaaa!! Maybe bcoz we springcleaned our house weeks before that day as relatives were invited over for the tea ceremony and lunch buffet! And we had to stick-on those red double happiness stickers on the door and walls. Oh yah, and I also bought new dresses to wear on that day so... this was why it felt like Chinese New Year to me. =P

Me and My Fickle-Mindedness!!!

Hee... Last Sunday, I had an appointment with my hairstylist to trim my hair and also to change my hair colour. I have been undecided on what colour to change to until I saw this model in one of the Taiwanese magazine which I bought few weeks back... then I decided to dye my hair to that golden brown colour...

This was the result after dyeing my hair... I thought it looked kinda too orangy on me bcoz it has been so many years since I last dyed such a bright colour on my whole head! In fact, I think my tanned skin tone has faded making the contrast even more obvious with my fair skin colour. I could not really accept it this time. Furthermore, I felt that my current hair length was too short for such a colour as all the previous times I dyed this colour were when I was still having my long hair! I thought I will look ugly on my brother's wedding day. Therefore...

3 days later, I went back to my hairstylist to dye back a darker colour after work... and he DID NOT charge me for it at all. This time I feel that the colour he re-dyed for me is too dark! Hehee... I looked at the photos which I have taken a few days back with my golden brown hair, I then regret re-dyeing my hair.

Although I find this darker hair colour more like the recent me, I started missing the bright golden brown hair again!! In fact, I prefer my previous colour. I wished I had listened to Deardear earlier not to go back and re-dye my hair... I now feel that my hair colour looks boring once again... nothing special... I wonder if I were to go back and ask my hairstylist to dye back the golden brown colour, will he scold me?? The other worry is that I think my hair will be super dry and damage if I go back and re-dye it again!

My colleagues were all so surprised to see the drastic change in my hair colour within a short 4 days!!! Hahaa! =P

My Hong Kong Trip (28 Aug to 1 Sep 2008)

Finally I have finished uploading my Hong Kong picture to make it into a slideshow!! Hehee... I know it's kinda outdated coz they were taken like more than 1 month ago... But better than nothing right?... It's the effort that counts! =P

Anyway, it took me so long to upload these pictures due to the shortage of memory space on my lappy... I think I have stored too many photos and mp3 in it, causing them to take up too much memory, so it often takes a long time for my lappy to run and also causing it to hang suddenly.

Have not been blogging for so sooo long coz I thought no ones read my blog anyway... except for passer-bys. However I was wrong! Met Charmaine at Heeren few weeks back and she told me that she read my last entry!! Hahaa... I was so glad to know that at least one of my friends reads my blog! Then the other one who reads my blog is Fang... coz she told me that she visited my blog whenever she is free only to find out that nothing was updated recently. Heee... Sorry to keep you waiting!

Regarding our trip... We had a walking good time in Hong Kong! Hahaa... We walked and walked... walked and walked... shopped and ate... walked and walked... shopped and ate... shopped and ate, walked and walked... walked and walked... and this repeats everyday... Basically, this is what we did for the whole 4 days!!

That was the first time my legs suffered from muscle-ache due to walking too much lor! But it was totally worth it lah! Nothing beats shopping in Hong Kong, especially for a shopaholic like me! Haa! Oh yah, I finished spenting all my money there on the 2nd day of our trip! Felt so broke after that... coz I had to think twice for whatever I wanna buy... but still I continued spenting even more using my credit cards! Sigh... I simply cannot control myself. Just by stepping into H&M, I feel like buying every single piece of the apparel that my hand touches!!! Oh my god... I wanna go there again!!!

Feels So 特务J!

*Ta-dah!!*...

I am now 特务P!! Ahahaa... No more long hair! I have finally told my hairstylist to snip off my long hair that was kept for the last 10 years! Hehee...

Actually, I have considered about cutting my hair short for quite awhile... Always thinking of cutting short but did not have the courage to... Yesterday, I finally made up my mind to do so coz I was so bored with my long hairstyle. The most I can make changes to was to the colour, not much of a change in the style... Thus, decided to cut it short for a change!

Now I am back to black hair again... no more blondie... I love drastic colour changes to my hairstyle!! Hahaa!! But it's not fully black this time... coz there are streaks of purple on my fringe! This concave hairstyle was meant to shorter at the back but coz my hairstylist is afraid that I might regret cutting my hair short so he insisted that I take this length first... so in the end the concave does not look like a concave bcoz it isn't steep at all... in fact it looks more like a one length cut. I want the concave to be more steep next time! Anyway... I still like my current hairstlyle though and I did not regret cutting my hair short. But I am a little not used to the colour yet coz it has suddenly become so black!

I think this hairstyle looks abit similar to 特务J! =P

By2 - Talented Singaporeans

Seen these 2 twins on a music video called PP別黏在椅上 on the chinese MTV channel last week and the one with the straight fringe immediately reminds me of Jolin in her younger days!

Anyway, I did a music video search on Youtube and realized that they are actually Singaporeans!! That's not all... they are 16 years old, sings well, one of them plays the keyboard, the other plays the violin... and both are freaking good at hip hop dancing!! I think they are COOOOOOOL!!!!!!!! Really admire their talent and youth!!

Seeing them made me realized that I have aged so much... Sadz, I am so damn old now... but they also reminds me of my younger days when I took up singing classes hoping to become a star one day... Yeah, the only difference is that By2's effort has paid off in fulfilling their dream but for me, I gave up halfway on my singing lessons coz the fees were too expensive and I lack the x-factor, confidence and morale support! I guess it is now different from the past... Last time, if you tell others that you want to become a star, they might tell you to dream on or even laugh at you for being so unrealistic... unlike now there are so many singing competitions to take part on TV - Campus Superstar, Project Superstar, Superband, etc... By2 can even quit school to fulfil their singing dream!

Although I know it is hard to fulfil my dream, at least I still managed to convince my mother to let me take up singing courses for about 1 year, hoping that some day I can become a star too. I was with Hark Music for 9 month and then I left and change to Lee Wei Song School of Music for 3 months bcoz it was then a more popular singing school than the rest due to the popularity of Stephanie Sun! However, I gave up bcoz the monthly course fee was too expensive and I think my other classmates have got more powerful voices than me... in which made me feel that I do not stand the chance to be talent-scouted. And so I thought I might as well quit so as not to waste my mother's money.

Still not giving up, I secretly sent in my application to take part in the Ocean Butterflies Music Forest singing audition in 2001 and received a call to attend to audition... so I went to the audition alone... I chose to sing Stephanie Sun's 开始懂了 bcoz I sang this same song at the Hark Cafe during my stage exposure session when I was taking my course at Hark Music. Unfortunately, I forgot my lyrics after the 3rd/4th phrase during the audition due to stage fright and nervousness! Heheee... I was utterly disappointed with myself! But few weeks after the audition, I received a letter from Ocean Butterflies to inform that I was shortlisted in the top 20% to sign up in the 非常歌手訓練班. Then again, course fee was too expensive for me at that time so I did not sign up for the course. But was really happy and glad to be in the top 20%!!! Kekeke... =D

Errr... I was supposed to talk about By2 but ended up talking about myself... duhhh... =p Anyway, those were some good old memories of mine!

Oh yes, I was mentioning about their dance... I think they are really good! I like singers who dance well!! Jolin is one example! Hahaaa!!! The songs in By2's album are quite nice too!! I like 好好愛^O^, 不夠成熟, 愛ㄚ愛ㄚ, PP別黏在椅上 and 太難搞.

Here's some video clips on their dance practices and performances.

Happy Birthday To My Special You!!!

Today is Deardear's birthday!! Happy birthday to him!... But I am not feeling happy myself... bcoz he chose to go back to work today... =( Why must he be working even on his birthday?? Although he went back to work on his own will but I just think the actual day should be spent with me loh! Hmmph!! Why take 1 day leave also cannot meh??!!! What's the problem with taking leave on a special occasion?? Why no matter what also must work at least 5 days in a week one meh???.... Arrrrgh!!! So irritating!!!...

Anyway, I know by making so much noise here also no use... coz he is a workaholic!! Ok... so much for my complains...

Actually, I have already celebrated Deardear's birthday with him yesterday instead. Hehee... But I am greedy, I wish I could have somemore time to spend with him today as well! In fact, we went out earlier than usual yesterday... we went to catch the movie - 'The Mummy - Tomb of the Dragon Emperor' at Lido in the afternoon first, then went shopping along Orchard Road and lastly, went to the Seafood Paradise Restaurant at the Singapore Flyer for dinner around 8plus.

It took us some time to reach the restaurant as the NDP Preview was held yesterday, so many of the roads were blocked. In the end we had to park at Millenia Walk then walked over to the Singapore Flyer.


Yesterday was our second visit to the restaurant bcoz we simply missed and had the craving for their butter crab, which is their signature dish! Love the sauce!! It's sooo yummy!!! The last time we went there was also on the day when they held the NDP full-dress rehearsal. On that day, we actually heard and saw the live firing of the canons, the air show and the fireworks right outside the restaurant. Too bad we missed it yesterday bcoz we went there too late. But we saw the fireworks from afar while travelling in the car on CTE.

Anyway, we had a 'feast' yesterday!! We ordered 4 dishes althogether which we cannot finish and had to ta-bao the leftover crab home... But it's ok lah, we are used to it bcoz we always over do it!! Hahaa!! =p


The 4 dishes that we ordered were the butter crab, baked salted egg baby lobster, sambal asparagus and the coffee porkribs. Initially we wanted to order the herbal drunken prawns in claypot but unfortunately they ran out of stock for their live prawns, so we replaced that dish with the baby lobster. The total bill came up to $107, which was considered cheap coz we expected it to be more.

After dinner, we went to the eco-garden for a walk where we had some fun time feeding the fishes and taking photos... I enjoyed making the fishes go mass-orgy at the spot where I threw the food, seeing them snatching to eat the food and making the water splashing sound, as if they will jump out of the water!


In fact I actually wanted to go to T3 after dinner... coz I thought of giving Deardear his birthday present there. But he said to come back to my house instead... so sianz... If I knew this earlier, I wouldn't have brought his birthday card and present out with me for the whole day. Anyway, I had no choice but to give him the present after we reached home...

Despite me trying to give him a surprise, he has already expected what I bought for him. Chey... No surprise one... *Bleh!*

My Inner Thoughts That Contradict...

Haven't been blogging for quite awhile again... I don't know why but I am no longer as enthusiastic and bold as before to blog about anything or everything that happens in my life. One reason for sure is that I do not have the freetime like before... and now I am more lazy to blog after I returned home from work. Furthermore, I am not able to use the Internet freely at work. There are simply too many restrictions when working in a bank! This is so damn irritating I find!

At times when I am unhappy about certain events or people, I will feel like blogging about them. In the past, I will just go ahead to blog without second thoughts or thinking of what/how others would think of me. But now I am afraid of the consequences of blogging about such things. Maybe bcoz I am getting older, so I have become more hesitant and wary...

Knowing that the society is becoming more tech-savvy, I read from somewhere that even Facebook can be used as a method for employers to understand job candidates better. So... can you imagine what will happen if I complain about my current employers or colleagues here when I applied for a job and the employer happens to visit my blog?? Anybody who visits my blog might coincidently be one of my current colleagues or potential employers... So immediately, the job opportunity might have simply gone down the drain. Or say if I complained about my colleague here, and he/she happens to read about the entry, guess what would he/she think?? I think I will either create a misunderstanding or lost a friend.

Yes, u may say that I am thinking too much but I guessed I better not blog so much about these things now because I learnt my lesson. Talking about this, I can still remember the last time I blogged about how unhappy I felt about my ex-colleague and we almost fell out with each other after that... A good thing is that she was understanding enough and we became better friends. Even until now, I still think she is still the best buddy whom I have worked with. This person is none other than Charmaine KC Tan from the 'shitty' bank. Hahaa!! (Hey gal, if you happen to read this, just wanna tell u that I miss working with you and the rest! I still think you gals are the best and most fun people I have worked with, although at that time I did not realise that but I guess it is always like that! =P)

In fact, I am currently undergoing alot of unhappy events in my workplace (which is why I am currently looking for another job). On one hand, I really feel like blogging about my situation, but on the other, I am afraid of the people reading about my entries, especially if they are people from my company or potential companies. But if I cannot blog about my unhappiness here, it means that I have one less way to vent my anger. Oh yes, thanks to friends and dear for lending me their listening ears. Knowing that my dear has become so numb of listening to all my 'story-telling' everyday, yet I have no other methods to release my anger... will I become so stress till I eventually go crazy one day after accumulating all these unhappiness inside me??

Actually I was about to type the word 'maybe'... but on second thought, I think that will be quite silly though... bcoz I think there's always the choice of quitting the job. Hahaa!! But of coz, it is easier said than done due to external factors like what will happen after quitting without a job and things like that... Then again, sometimes I wonder if I am abit psycho, coz I tend to contradict myself... It seems like there's always an angel and a devil talking to me all the time. Is this one of the symptoms of becoming crazy?? Or maybe I am already crazy! Hahahahaha... (Of coz not! Crazy people do not say that they are crazy!! -- Ooops!! Here I go again... contradicting myself!)

Oh nooo!!! I just cannot stop contradicting myself... how ah??? I think I may need to see a psychiatrist soon... =P

Tokidoki for Hello Kitty & Onitsuka Tiger

Both Tokidoki and Hello Kitty are my favourites! And recently they have collaborated with each other! Last week, Deardear told me that he has bought me something... never did I expect that he actually went online to purchase 3 Tokodoki for Hello Kitty tops for me from Tokidoki's website! Love them!!! Thanks Deardear!!

A few weeks back, he also bought himself a pair of Tokidoki for Onitsuka Tiger sneakers and bought me a pair of Tokidoki toy figures - Til' Death Do Us Part. According to the Onitsuka Tiger sales assistant, the sneakers are of limited edition in Singapore! For each size that they were selling, there were only 2 pairs available for purchase.


Adios and Ciao Ciao are my favourite Tokidoki characters!! Coz I love pink and my dear loves black... so that makes us kinda similar to Adios and Ciao Ciao! Hehee... =P Anyway, I just find them cute lah.


Besides the Tokidoki for Hello Kitty apparels, I also like the Tokodoki for Hello Kitty bags! They have got gold trimmings on them!! That's another one of my favourite colours! Too bad, I think the bags are not launched on Tokidoki's website yet although I saw it on Sanrio Japan's website... =(