Sunday, October 14, 2007

Another Relaxing Weekend Past Comes Another Stressful Work Week

It's always at this timing of the weekend when I start to feel moody... It's going to be the start of another work week... I have been told by one of my team leaders that my speed of checking a stack of applications within every 2 hours is too slow... and my speed would affect the entire department's productivity as a whole. Hence, she is going to sit next to me to observe on how I do my work this week. Stress!!!

Eversince weeks ago when the management was still not focusing on our productivity, I knew that my slow productivity would eventually becomes an issue for me as I have been monitoring my own productivity myself. Since then, I kinda fear that this will be one of the factors which may affect my stay in this employment.

This coming Thursday (18th Oct) will be the day for my confirmation after working for 3 months. I seriously doubt that they will confirm me due to my incapability in speeding up my working process. I do not know why others could do it so fast but I can't. I have been trying to find out why I am so slow... I have been asking around on how the rest are able to do it but the answers that I got in return = no answer. Everyone told me that speed comes with experiences. And experiences are accumulated over time... so if time is needed, how is it possible for me to do things at the same standard speed as the seniors!

On the contrary, there are other new colleagues who have also been on the job almost the same time as me but they are doing fine and do not have such productivity issues! Why am I the only one who can't cope??

I have been trying very hard to check through the applications and to do the income computations as fast as I can, but it still happens that I am always half the time slower than the rest! I am starting to doubt myself... Probably I am just not suitable for this job, probably I am just not a number person (coz I used to hate maths!)... Maybe I am being overdetailed in my checking process since my trainings were taught by 2 team leaders with different methods, so in the end I checked the most items. (For example, since trainer A told me to check item A, B, C but trainer B told me to check item X, Y, Z... so in the end my method would be to check item A, B, C, X, Y, Z!) Or maybe I am just slow in pressing the calculator... or maybe I get too much interruptions caused by other colleagues asking me questions or me asking my team leaders questions which in turn causes lost time, I really don't know!

There were even times when I tried to work as fast as I could, however the number of applications in a stack seems never ending... and I even felt dizziness while I was doing the calculations. I felt like I was floating and the surrounding was spinning! I think I was high on credit card applications!!

My team leader just did my KPI performance appraisal on last Friday. I wonder if it is going to affect my confirmation as well. The critcal moment is near... but I feel confused. I am afraid of not being confirmed by the company yet sometimes I hate this job so badly till I wish I can quit and look for some other jobs!

Or should I say I am just being practical coz I need the income and would want to find another job first before quitting... Hahaa. Furthermore, it will be better if I get confirmed then I quit, rather than to be rejected after probation which might not leave a good impression to other employers during future employment reference checks.

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