All along I suspect that I actually suffer from social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia... which explains the reason that I am always so self-conscious!!
Social phobia is the intense fear of social situations where the sufferer feels he or she might be watched, judged, embarrassed, or criticized. Example social situations include public speaking, being interviewed by a stranger, speaking with strangers, talking with important people or authority figures and doing any sort of activity where the person might be watched. This irrational fear is signified by physical symptoms such as sweating, rapid heart beat, muscle tension, shaky voice, upset stomach, confusion, blushing and shaking. These combined symptoms are also known as anxiety attacks. Anxiety sufferers usually develop depression as a result of social anxiety disorder. This is commonly called a spill-over effect. Social phobia develops in women twice as frequently as men.
Well... For my case, of coz I am not those very serious sufferer but I would say that I am extremely afraid of totally new environments, be it before or during the first few days of school or in a new job. I am writing this entry bcoz I realized a pattern in my life.
When I attended kindergarten, I cried immediately after my mother and grandma left me with my classmates after sending me to the PAP classroom. And this happened almost everyday until I got to know more friends from my class. Similarly, this same situation also happened when my grandma helped my mother to send me to the nearby childcare centre at the community centre located just next to my grandma's flat (coz my mother had to work then). Then it happened again when I first went to school in primary 1. The reason for crying was bcoz I din want to stay at those unfamiliar places any longer but to go back home to be with people whom I know.
As I grew up, crying became not the only method I use to express how I want to avoid the new environment. In addition to that, I have also become a cynical person. I eventually began to see things negatively (therefore I'm a pessimistic person) and that anyone from a new school or working environment cannot be easily trusted. Thus, I tend to be wary of each person's motive, especially when they get too close to me... causing me to become overly-sensitive and even to the extent of imagining or saying bad things about the person. =S This started eversince when I went to secondary school.
Anyway, I think this whole thingy is affecting my life now, especially when I am currently in the stage of building a career. In fact, I came across this online article that talked about the behavior of a person that has social phobia at work and what they personally go through and it states...
"People with social anxiety disoorder usually have sporatic work history which takes the form of 'bouncing' from job to job; they usually have trouble finding jobs to begin with. The social anxiety disorder sufferer may take a job where they can avoid social situations they fear, as a result they may underachieve by taking a job that is lower than their personal standards. Social phobia sufferers will avoid job positions where their performance is examined frequently or where there is a lot of interaction between people."
Probably this explains why I often do not stay long in a job... Furthermore, I am always so afraid of work commencement until plenty of negative thoughts start to haunt me even from 5 days before the actual commencement date. I think this is the dark side of my personality which most people do not know while only very close people like my parents and bf will know... I believe Dear has experienced enough of my "depression" (spill-over effect)... I know it's irritating of me to be like this during every new job offer, but I just cannot control or overcome my thoughts. No matter what, I am glad that Dear is always here for me... =P
Then again, wish me luck in meeting nice colleagues from my new work environment on this coming Monday.
Social phobia is the intense fear of social situations where the sufferer feels he or she might be watched, judged, embarrassed, or criticized. Example social situations include public speaking, being interviewed by a stranger, speaking with strangers, talking with important people or authority figures and doing any sort of activity where the person might be watched. This irrational fear is signified by physical symptoms such as sweating, rapid heart beat, muscle tension, shaky voice, upset stomach, confusion, blushing and shaking. These combined symptoms are also known as anxiety attacks. Anxiety sufferers usually develop depression as a result of social anxiety disorder. This is commonly called a spill-over effect. Social phobia develops in women twice as frequently as men.
Well... For my case, of coz I am not those very serious sufferer but I would say that I am extremely afraid of totally new environments, be it before or during the first few days of school or in a new job. I am writing this entry bcoz I realized a pattern in my life.
When I attended kindergarten, I cried immediately after my mother and grandma left me with my classmates after sending me to the PAP classroom. And this happened almost everyday until I got to know more friends from my class. Similarly, this same situation also happened when my grandma helped my mother to send me to the nearby childcare centre at the community centre located just next to my grandma's flat (coz my mother had to work then). Then it happened again when I first went to school in primary 1. The reason for crying was bcoz I din want to stay at those unfamiliar places any longer but to go back home to be with people whom I know.
As I grew up, crying became not the only method I use to express how I want to avoid the new environment. In addition to that, I have also become a cynical person. I eventually began to see things negatively (therefore I'm a pessimistic person) and that anyone from a new school or working environment cannot be easily trusted. Thus, I tend to be wary of each person's motive, especially when they get too close to me... causing me to become overly-sensitive and even to the extent of imagining or saying bad things about the person. =S This started eversince when I went to secondary school.
Anyway, I think this whole thingy is affecting my life now, especially when I am currently in the stage of building a career. In fact, I came across this online article that talked about the behavior of a person that has social phobia at work and what they personally go through and it states...
"People with social anxiety disoorder usually have sporatic work history which takes the form of 'bouncing' from job to job; they usually have trouble finding jobs to begin with. The social anxiety disorder sufferer may take a job where they can avoid social situations they fear, as a result they may underachieve by taking a job that is lower than their personal standards. Social phobia sufferers will avoid job positions where their performance is examined frequently or where there is a lot of interaction between people."
Probably this explains why I often do not stay long in a job... Furthermore, I am always so afraid of work commencement until plenty of negative thoughts start to haunt me even from 5 days before the actual commencement date. I think this is the dark side of my personality which most people do not know while only very close people like my parents and bf will know... I believe Dear has experienced enough of my "depression" (spill-over effect)... I know it's irritating of me to be like this during every new job offer, but I just cannot control or overcome my thoughts. No matter what, I am glad that Dear is always here for me... =P
Then again, wish me luck in meeting nice colleagues from my new work environment on this coming Monday.
