An unlucky thing actually happened to me 2 weeks ago. I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy on the eve of my company's Dinner and Dance. I was having a cold on the 8th of Dec and had visited my company's doctor for medication. She granted 1.5 days MC but I stayed on to work till 6plus on that day.
On that night itself, I went home and took a shower. After my bath, I poured a cup of water to drink and realised that water came flowing out of my lips automatically. I did not bother about it as I thought perhaps I just did not control my drinking properly and so water leaked from my lips.
I continued preparing the things which I need to bring to work the next day for DnD. My cold was gone by then and so I decided to go back to work the next day too.
The next morning after I woke up, I proceeded to my bathroom to brush my teeth. I realised that I could not control my left facial features. I could not lift my left lips and my face looks slightly different from usual. Still I did not think it would become more serious. I continued to change and got ready to go to work... until I told my mum about it. She said something is wrong and I should see a doctor. Suddenly I feel that something is really wrong! Only then I called in to inform my colleagues about my condition.
When I consulted my GP, he said that my half face paralysis is actually called Bell's Palsy. He then told me to take notes of some pointers. He said that my eyes will not be able to shut close at night and I need to tape my eyelids down when I sleep. And when I drink water, I may drool. My left ear is very much louder than my right ear when hearing loud noises. At that point, I still did not realised the seriousness of this problem. But when I reached home my condiition started to worsen! My GP prescribed steriods, painkillers and a bottle of eyedrops (for dry eyes) for me.
I started having problems with drinking, eating and also speaking. My mouth started to slant to the right and it's crooked. Food/drinks will drop/flow out. There was no control to my facial muscles. Every facial feature on my left was just stiff and my face started to become droopy.
Despite that, I very much wanted to attend my company's DnD... as I have even prepared my costume to wear so as to suit the Dnd theme. After much consideration, I went ahead to attend the event.
During the event, I had difficulty smiling and taking pics. I cannot smile as my left cheek just wouldn't go up! That was when I feel really sad bcoz I do not enjoy myself at all. I felt restricted. I had problems eating my dinner, I cannot put the food into my mouth properly and I ended up not eating which led to myself feeling so pathetic when I was there. The loud music which they played became a really loud disturbance to my left ear and I had to cover my ears whenever the music went on. I then msged and informed my hubby to come and pick me.
On the way home, I started to ponder about my incapabilities in all that happened earlier. I cried. I do not want this to be happening to me. I cannot accept myself in this state even till today.
My parents brought me to SGH A&E the next day and they said there is nothing that they can do but told me to continue my medication from my GP. They said it takes time to recover. It may be weeks, it may be months. When I heard that, I felt totally helpless on my condition. I needed more assurance but no one can tell me how long I will take to recover.
Now I am blogging this bcoz I am still feeling very uncertain about my recover. 2 weeks has passed but I still cannot smile. Though eating may seems better now as my left lips are not so tight... maybe bcoz my muscles are already used to that crookedness but I still feel very inferior when I go out. I do not dare to go back to work. SGH doctor has given MCs until 27 Dec which partially are to be taken as my unpaid leaves, as I have used up all my medical and annual leaves. I would be going back to SGH for check up again on 27 Dec and is now going for accupuncture sessions.
Frankly, most people said that accupuncture helps but for me, I have been to 3 different accupuncturists so far and I do not feel much better. This is bcoz they all pricked me at different areas and said different things. After each session, there was not much of a difference. Then again, everyone will say that it takes time and a few more sessions to see the differences. I personally feel that they are all not experienced and seems to be just trying their luck. Does anyone know which accupuncturist is experienced in treating Bell's Palsy?? My friends has recommended me to their TCM but then again, everyone will say that theirs is good but how is then considered good?? I am starting to give up hope on TCMs too!!
Every now and then, I will feel very emotional and just want to cry... Then the next moment, I am ok again. I really hate myself in this state. Dear GOD, please give me back my pretty smile! Don't you know that's my best asset??!!! Please give me back my smile for Christmas! PLEASE~!!!
Meanwhile, everyday I can only wait for that day to come... the day when my SMILE will finally return to me. Please... SMILE AGAIN! I pray... AMEN.
Namie Amuro - Please Smile Again - kewego
Copyright ©Avex Trax! All rights reserved. I do not hold any copyrights to this video. No copyright infringement intended.
Copyright ©Avex Trax! All rights reserved. I do not hold any copyrights to this video. No copyright infringement intended.
